WTF Am I Doing With My Life?

Do you ever ask yourself that question? I do, I'm one of those people who has a hard time finding satisfaction. I'm getting better. I'm more grateful and happier than I've ever been in my life. My life isn't perfect, but I have it better than most people. I'm truly blessed and I thank God for that daily.

I'm the guy who would like to be out photographing and journaling my life. I know people that just want to hold a simple job, live a simple life, go home watch their favorite television show, go to bed and repeat all over again. Their idea of a vacation is going to a resort in Mexico where they really don't experience the culture and it is really no different than the U.S. The trade off is that they are “safe” and they can tell their friends that they went to Mexico.

That is not me. I spent 7 years in Iraq and Afghanistan. I went off base in Iraq a few times to pick up a guy who would get me things I needed that I could not get on base. A former Navy Seal and I drove off base in Afghanistan in an SUV because we didn't want to leave the country without ever having set foot outside the base. I did it again to get a part for that same SUV because the guy who was supposed to do it was afraid. I hate that I didn't experience those countries.

Additionally I've been to the Philippines, Guam, Japan, Thailand, Japan, Korea, Nepal, Mexico, Kuwait, United Arab Emirates, Qatar, and Ecuador. I've flown through several other countries. I don't feel like I've been anywhere. If I'm not in the middle of something I feel like I'm wasting my life.

I'm publishing a Kindle book soon and feel like I should be doing more. I work 5 days a week 8 hours a day, I workout, I'm involved in church, I have a guys night out, I go out and dance from time to time and I feel like I'm doing nothing! What is it about me?

I don't know. I need to chill the fuck out. It isn't as if I have an infinite amount of money. If I did, which I think I will one day, here is what my life would look like. I'd have a home in Colorado close to my daughter, I'd have a house in the Chicago area close to my other children. I'd have a house in Savannah close to my church and I'd take my kids on as many trips as possible. Trips to South America, Europe, Scandinavia, the Balkans, Asia and around the U.S. I would volunteer to help coach a local high school football team and I'd write, blog, take pictures and smoke marijuana from time to time to relax and help manage my pain.

I'd probably start a tour business that took people hiking to places like Machupichu, Nepal, Chili. I'd do that for fun and for company. I like meeting new people. I'd probably do that until I met a girl I wanted to spend an exuberant amount of time with and then we'd hang out, travel together, meet new people together and maybe we'd want to keep that touring business. Who knows.

I've heard that if you want to get rich, rather I've read it in numerous books, that you need to know what your life would look like. I know what it would look like. It has changed slightly as my relationship circumstances change, but it has always involved helping others, traveling and being with someone to share it with.

I have a plan to get rich. My eggs are all in one basket. Some people say that is stupid. I say if you found the best deal out there why diversify? I believe it was Warren Buffet that said diversification is worse-ification. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, I'll start over. What am I doing with my life? I'm doing the best I can, but as always I'm living with Passionately and Aggressively!

Be true to you, but be willing to change if you see the need to.

I need to take that advice, I usually do need to take my own advice. I tend to look at what I can do better, I think that's healthy. The thing is my particular mental illness tends to lean toward me only looking at what I need to do better. I'd say it would give me balance to look at what I'm doing right. I'll let you know how successful I am.

What's my motivation for the life I'd like to live? It's me, it's who I am. I'm an adventurer, I like to create change, I like to improve, to learn to make an impact. I want my kids to live life, to learn to make an impact. I don't want silly status updates on facebook to define their lives. I mean yeah One Direction is important now and YOLO was important last year when you broke the record for pancake eating at Denny's and yes you took an epic dump this morning, but I think they'd enjoy experiencing more than that.