When Is Winning Losing?

I started sports as perhaps a nine year old.  I know basketball was the first sport I played.  I was very aware of my lack of understanding of what was going on.  I had no idea that the other kids were the same.  I saw myself and the worst and wanted desperately to get better.  That attitude made me coachable.  As I remember it my coach was weak and I can't remember him.  I played basketball and soccer for a few years and was equally lost.  In soccer the other kids had a much better understanding of the game.  I was lost, I knew none of the lingo and none of the rules.  I believe my coach was usually drunk and I barely remember him.  I do remember being pissed off when a soccer ball would slam into my face and my nose was bleeding and I'd be forced to leave the field.  What the hell?  I would never stop playing outside because of a bloody nose.  These were supposed to be tough athletes.  I was born a fighter and many circumstances would re-inforce my fighting spirit.  

I played on some awesome YMCA league basketball teams in 6th through 8th grade and I was a starter.  I was a fairly dominant 5 man.  If we lost I felt like it was my fault.  I don't know talent wise where I stood but I always felt like the worst player.  I did know that I worked harder than any other player on the court and although I was good, I wasn't as good as all that practice should have made me.  We had awesome coaches, thank you Todd and Ron.

At the time my goal was to be the next Micheal Jordan.  I had read the biographies of Isaiah Thomas, Larry Bird, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, and a few others.  I could relate to their tough upbringings, I could relate to thier work ethic and I figured if I worked like they did I could be like they were.  In the middle of Iowa in the dead of winter I'd scoop the snow, dribble, shoot, drive, play one on one with myself.  I'd play with my buddy Bryan all summer long, I'd do open gym with the men on Sunday's.  I was a gym rat.  I worked out all the time while watching sports on tv.  I'd do pushups, toe ups, crunches, leg exercises.  Once in high school the only cake and ice cream I had for over a year was on my own birthday.  Nothing in my mind ever thought a lack of talent was a determining factor.  That kid…so funny.  :)

When I finally got to play football, a sport I felt was a real man's game, I fell in love.  I felt like I had gotten laid for the first time.  I loved the contact.  I was a fairly big 7th grader and I was athletic.  I dominated my first game at offensive tackle and defensive tackle.  I was even put in the 8th grade game and blocked a field goal before it ever left the kicking t.  I was a monster and it was all hard work and heart.  I wasn't cocky, this was what I expected out of myself.  I tell people all the time that confidence comes from preperation.  If you believe you'll suck you're be right.  If you believe you'll be great, you will be right sometimes.

These things continued into high school.  My attitude was if I work harder than everyone else, if I'm an absolute bull dozer, an absolute beast, if I'm willing to die to be the best then I'll be the best.  I was a division I recruit from my sophmore year on.  I broke my leg my senior year of football.  The recruiting at division I disappeared.  It hurt, I was broken.  I couldn't afford the partial scholarships being offered in the lower level schools so I lost that dream.

I didn't lose the drive.  I've competed in Track and Feild, Strongman, and a few other things as an adult.  Many competitions were held in my head at the gym and my focus was always overpowering the obsticles.

At some point in life I learned that trying to over power everything especially in my personal life was not the way to a healthy life.  It was not the way to winning. Sometimes winning is a loss.

I didn't know the Art of War, but that book did help me change my thinking.  Just as the Chinese are winning the superpower war without firing a bullet so would I learn to win even in loss.  I'm reading "The Fighters Mind" right now and reading about Dan Gable's attitude reminded me of my former attitude.  It reminds me of my best friend's son who has that same attitude.  I love it and I admire it but I see the future pain of it.  Dan Gable is a cripple, I'm a cripple.  I look like I can still bring it and I can, but I'm in pain 24/7.  I've paid for my ragging bull attitude.  That was a nickname given to me by a very special coach.  Coach Houfek, I love you man.

This brings me to Jiu-Jitsu.  I wrote in my journal about how if I'd had Jiu-Jitsu earlier in life, I'd have learned some very important lessons earlier.  I'd probably be physically healthier, I'd be mentally healthier.  Jiu-Jitsu teaches the fighter to take what the opponent gives him.  This attitude is the Art of War.  Yes pain is still involved and often it is pain from being crushed by your opponent, it's not dangerous pain, it's the pain we feel when we can't breath as easily as we'd like.  Staying calm and realizing you're breathing just fine is the key to being able to recognize when your opponent gives you something.  When one of the four legs of the table is weak you take that leg, it's simple, not easy, but simple.  It takes learning technique.  I've had 125lb girls tap me and it makes me happy.  Why?  First, I know that is an empowered woman.  Second, that means I can be a beast and learn to use skill instead of just power.

I joined the Air Force about 9 months after I graduated high school.  I would have been a better Marine or a better door kicker but I would not grow, I would have simply re-inforced my blasting through problems mentality.  Throughout my entire life I've always been keenly focused on growth.  I rarely chose the path of least resistance, I usually chose the path of truth, the path of growth, the path of knowledge.

Don't get me wrong I do stupid shit often for fun, but I want to be the best me I can be.  Jiu-Jitsu is the next tool in my journey to become that man.  As a side note, it's also what will allow this broken man to stay Alpha until the day he dies.

Their is a saying in Jiu-Jitsu, "Either you win or you learn" I love that saying.  It's a way of life.  Change your definition of success and you will change the way you see life.  Sometimes when you win you lose.  Sometimes when you lose you win.  Food for thought.

Live Passionately, Live Aggresively