The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

I'm not a very attractive person right now. Figuratively I'm on the floor, literally I had a hard time getting out of bed, deciding to work, deciding to eat, drink, shower, shave. I pondered escaping, running away, hiding. I have kids, I can't, they ground me. Keep me from being a moron when I otherwise might be.

I don't want my kids to pay for my sins. Most parents feel that way, the ones that don't are probably not very good people.

When I started this blog I promised myself that I'd write no matter what my mood was. Here I am, this is the worst of me. I am negative, I'm groveling in my own feces, I feel like giving up. If I don't interact it will get worse, I'll go into a black hole, the abyss of navel gazing.

I'm in pain, emotional pain, the wost kind. The kind I wish I had more skills to cope with. By going through it and by doing positive things through it I'll gain those skills. Building skills is like building muscle, it takes work, it takes resistance, it takes pain and building tolerance to that pain.

Why would I write when I feel like this? For me, it helps me, forces me to do something. For you, it helps those that don't have the skills to cope with pain, it helps them see that someone can relate, it helps them grow too if they so chose. We all experience pain, we rarely share our ugliness.

In front of me is a build a bear that my youngest daughter gave me, in it is her voice that says, “I love you daddy and I miss you.” Does it get any better than that? Above me is a card from Father's Day where she mentions she'll, “enrich my life forever, bring me joy and happiness, be a shinning star of pride in my life always.” Wow. When my kids feel that way, how can I let them down?

People ask me where I get my motivation for the gym, it comes from the desire to make a difference in the world. Yes, I think being fit makes a difference. The work ethic, commitment, and mental toughness created by athletics, by training, by eating right can carry over into the rest of your life. To gain those life lessons you must make the conscious effort to translate them.

Pain is a mechanism for growth. To grow from pain we must: Recognize the pain, allow ourselves to feel the pain, find healthy ways to cope with the pain and keep moving forward in life. Simple, but hard. Like most of life, simple but hard.

Enjoy the moments that bring joy and work through the mundane and the pain.