Confidence

What makes us confident? Great question. A lot of parents now days think they can build confidence in kids by not keeping score at soccer games, by giving trophies to all the teams after a season, by holding a graduation party after every grade a student passes, I'm sure you can think of more examples. I think that all of those examples build a false sense of confidence that is easy to shatter. I think in the long run those types of “confidence builders” are harmful and can produce adults who find it hard to function.

What happens when a kid figures out they stink at soccer and they have been lied to? I believe it is possible that child would lose confidence in themselves and confidence that their parent is someone they can trust. What happens when a kid is expected to work for nothing more than a paycheck?

The “American Dream” is grow up, go to college and get a good job (not my dream). A lot of times you work for assholes who will never give you a compliment let alone throw you a party for shoddy or even great work.

My good buddy Jedd Hafer teaches a parenting technique called “Love and Logic.” One of the things Love and Logic teaches is that kids gain confidence through learning to solve their own problems. Oddly enough that seems logical to me (you are supposed to laugh here).

If my child can make their own peanut butter and jelly sandwich do you think he or she is more confident or less confident than the kid that needs to ask mom for help.

Some parents need to be needed.

If my child can learn to deal with difficult children (often called bullies) do you think that child is more or less confident than the child that needs to run to mom and have mom run to the principal?

How do we become more confident as adults? One way is to stop caring what people think. I believe we should live according to our moral beliefs. I'm not saying force others to live our moral beliefs, simply live to our own belief system. Knowing we can make good decisions will give us confidence by itself.

If you live life according your your belief system you have something called integrity. If you are happy with who you see in the mirror you should not give a damn what others think of you.

I'm not saying walk around with a fuck you attitude, I'm simply saying don't walk around worrying about what other people will think of you. In many ways I'm the most unique person I know, also the most humble (another joke).

Actually, I don't say that out of arrogance nor do I say it out of humility. I'm simply stating what I observe. Most people are overly concerned about fitting in, I'm not.

Think about what holds you back from asking that girl out on a date? It is the fear of rejection.

BTW men, women complain all the time about good men not being confident enough to ask them out. Want an article on that?

What is holding you back from asking for a raise the fear of rejection? What is holding you back from writing a blog? The fear of rejection?

Instead of not acting because of fear stop caring about what is making you fearful. You will either be successful or you won't. What is the worst that can happen?

Over time you will stop being so concerned about rejection, the sting doesn't hurt so bad. Over time you will become better at acting in stressful situations. You become more attractive.

Accepting with what you desire (as long as it fits your moral code), being okay with rejection will bring confidence into your life. If others reject you that is their problem not yours. You will also begin to see who is toxic and who is not toxic and your new found confidence will allow you to rid your life of toxic people.

Your new found confidence will allow you to fully become who you want to be. You will become the best you that you can be. That confidence will allow you to become unique. You will become the person that you want to be with.

You have to spend 24/7 with yourself for an average of almost 90 years. You better like you!

Start effecting your own rescue. What do I mean? I hear U.S. Citizens asking the government to solve their problems.

What can you do about being jobless? What can you do about your “retirement?” What can you do about not having health insurance?

Take charge of your own rescue. Don't be reliant upon someone to solve your problems.

Start thinking in terms of what you could do to make a situation better. Stop thinking in terms of what someone else did to you. Start caring more about your part in situations and start caring less about how other people impacted you, your attitude and things that “happen” to you.

A lot of people are waiting for someone to solve their problems, taking responsibility has a great influence on your sense of confidence. Responsibility puts you in charge of your life and takes the reigns off.

Responsibility allows you to become human instead of a horse being lead by a bit in your mouth.

Did you know that advertising's number one job is to make you feel unsatisfied?

You might experiment with a media fast. Take away the ability to be advertised to. Watch for advertising and note it's influence on your thoughts.

When I see a nice car commercial I want a new car. When I think of the function of a car, I get from point A to point B just fine. Many times we want our car, our clothes, our coffee, our insert item...to define us. That is the message the advertising sends us, let our product make you better, you are not good enough without it.

A lot of people are so busy being what they are told what to be and what they lack through advertising and through peer pressure that they never learn who they are. Reject advertising and stop caring about what others think. Start doing things you want to do while holding to your core values and you will become AWESOME!

Live Passionately, Live Aggressively

Matt Dragon